Halloween

Check out what I saw last night...

Just Another Night Behind The Bar

Pouring shots, taking out the garbage, and changing Kegs... Not much out of the ordinary.

Oh, yeah, by the way, I got sucker punched in the face...

Love my job.

Steve Jobs is my Jesus.

I love my iPhone. I really do. I'd actually fuck it if I could, but there isn't an App for that.

I can't take a formal "break" while I'm working. You can't expect to set aside an arbitrary section of time to take for yourself when the flow of "customers", (read: "obnoxious alcoholics") streams at such an unpredictable rhythm. A predetermined block of time to be out from behind the bar just isn't an option. What you can do is wait for a slight break in the action, run outside, grab a cigarette, and wait until the masses demand more Jager Bombs, thus forcing you to run back inside on less than a moments notice. It's really not that bad when that happens, after all, the busier we are inside, the more money in tips I make, so I don't really mind it that much.

Here's what I do mind...

While standing outside, in those few peaceful moments I have to myself, there's inevitably some Asshole outside who wants to talk. Assholes like to ask questions like, "So how's your night going?", or "Having fun?", or worst of all "So, where are all the hot chicks at tonight?" There's nothing more annoying then trying to take a few peaceful moments to yourself and then feeling obligated to make mindless chit chat. Even worse is it's mindless chit chat that's technically off the clock.

Here's where the invention of the cell phone has been become my savior.

Grab your Iphone, stare at it, and pretend you're doing something important. It doesn't matter what it is. Look at your phone as if you're reading something more important the breakup of "Jon & Kate Plus 8", and people tend to leave you alone. If they see you become transfixed on the 3'5" screen your holding in front of you, they tend to leave you alone. Not for long, mind you, Assholes tend to have a very short grace period, but even if it's just a few peaceful beats, it makes all the difference. I've held the thing to my ear, had entirely fictional conversations, with completely fictional people, in order to preserve an all important moment of peace.

Steve Jobs, thanks for being my savior.

Now can you work on that fucking my phone thing?

It's funny because it's true...

While running around behind the bar last Saturday night, I was attempting to quickly pass Sarah on the right side. She was telling a story about something, (I think it had to do with Patrick Swayze, but don't quote me on that), and just as I was about to pass, she gestures wildly, swings her arm into the air, and smacks me dead in the side of my head. WHACK!

I shake it off, we laugh a second, then, without missing a beat, Sarah states the obvious...

"I've just done something everyone in this bar has wanted to do for the last three years! Hit Drew in the face!"

Here's the thing...

I'm a bartender. Chicks dig bartenders. At first, it's kinda a cool perk...

That said, here's what chicks don't dig...

Guys who work every night until 3:00 am...

Guys who stay up until 5:00 am every night...

Guys who sleep until 2:00 pm...

Guys who have two sets of clothes, one stained in dried tequila and french fry grease, and one, that isn't..

Burnt out insomniacs who are emotionally fucked up with an impossible work schedule.

Chicks dig bartenders.

The Cult of Karaoke

There are a few things that I can be sure about as I prepare for work on Saturday nights...

1. Karaoke will begin promptly at 9 p.m.

2. Someone will sing "Sweet Caroline", and act as if they are the first to ever do so.

3. No one who sings will ever tip. Ever.

4. I will be slightly more insane when it's over...

Where The Fuck Am I? Pt I

Today I was trying to make a reference and started off with what I thought was a rhetorical question...

"Have you ever seen Star Wars?"

I shit you not, the first three people I asked replied...

"No."